Definitions

I don’t eat meat- mostly because for a short period of time I got excited about the whole vegetarian thing and stopped. I then, loving my new wanky persona, immediately decided to tell all my friends and family about my new ‘enviro/animal/earth population friendly’ endeavour- ensuring that I could never again bite in to the glorious bundle of hoof and fat that is salami. Awesome.

In my time of not eating meat, I have met with a few definitions of ‘vegetarianism’- My uncles offer me chicken and fish on a regular basis, I’ve had a friend looking appalled at my putting milk in tea and been told by my father that mince didn’t really count as meat: it is, apparently, a bi-product. To avoid further kafuffles, surrounding my eating habits and other irrelevant junk, I have put together a ‘Definictionary’.

Vegetarians	Vegans	Difference
Don’t eat any animals of any kind. They can, however, eat anything animals make without having to die- apart from their babies.	Eat no animal product. Whatsoever. Not even spinach and ricotta triangles.	Vegans are slightly more irritating than vegetarians but both are pretty unbearably pretentious.

Man speaking on Bluetooth earpiece	Local Schizophrenic	Difference
Appears to be speaking to them self. Slightly off-putting. Probably has a lot to offer the world.	Appears to be speaking to them self. Slightly off-putting. Probably has a lot to offer the world.	The one not speaking about the size of their penis has schizophrenia.

ABC	SBS	Difference
Australian television channel. Loves all things British. Viewer can feel well educated while watching stupid things. Fairly awesome to be honest.	Australian television channel. Loves all things foreign or bizarre. Viewer can feel a whole bunch of crazy emotions while watching programmed things. Fairly awesome to be honest.	I never had sleepovers in the eighth grade where we would watch seedy documentaries about sex dolls on the ABC.

Mac	PC	Difference
Computer. Is white with an apple on it.	Computer. Has solitaire.	Much like Vegan/Vegetarianism anybody belonging to a particular camp is a wanker. Mac users more so.

I’m a vegetarian Mac user. How awkward.